Winter

Winter was the only season we could be together.

It was a cold January day when I first met you. Your dark brown hair was covered with flecks of white snow. Your chocolate brown eyes were looking up at the sky in wonder. When I saw you, I didn’t know whether you were looking for snowflakes or watching the cloudy sky. At that time, it didn’t matter at all to me. Oh, how that changed.

I walked up to you because I wondered why you looked at snow with such joy. When I asked you, you smiled nervously at me and shrugged. You told me that you liked the cold. I asked you why you’d rather be cold than warm. You told me that you came from a warmer country and that you never felt the wonderful cold air before. That astounded me. Isn’t it a thing with you humans that you enjoy warmth? My oldest sibling often holds that fact over my head.

You then asked for my name. No one asks for my name anymore. I told you that my name was Winter. You seemed to like that name. I suppose I wasn’t really lying at the time. Humans did call me Winter.

I, in turn, asked for your name. It was the polite thing to do. You told me that your name was Evelyn. It was a pretty name. That’s what I told you. I didn’t lie to you. I know you thought I did.

You asked me if I would care for a cup of coffee. I told you that I wasn’t fond of it, and you seemed sad. Suddenly, without any thought, I lied and said that I’d love to try it with you though. I used to hate eating your mortal food. I didn’t see the point in it. But when I said those words, your brown eyes lit up with happiness.

I then followed you to a cafe and we bought two cups of coffee. When you asked me what I wanted, I admit that I didn’t know what to say. I had never tried coffee before. Understanding this, you bought me a sweet drink. It was warm and it had little white solid things in it. I didn’t ask you what it was. I just drank it. You seemed happy with that.

We sat down at a table near a window that looked out upon a cold and dreary town. You didn’t seem to think it was dreary, however. You looked out the window with a fondness in your eyes that I didn’t quite understand.

You asked me what I did for a living. I lied and said that I was a writer. Smiling, you told me that that was interesting. At the time, I thought you were lying. Over time, I realised that you had a love for the written word. It was foolish of me to think that you would lie to me, Evelyn. You just weren’t that kind of person.

I asked you the same question and you smiled bashfully. You told me that you were an aspiring writer. I didn’t and still don’t understand that. ‘If you want to write, then just write,’ I had told you. ‘Scratch paper, or on a laptop, it would still be writing.’

Evelyn, you smiled such a beautiful smile when I said that. Frankly, I was a little taken aback by the brightness. You thanked me. I asked, ‘What for?’ You told me that it was simply uplifting, and such a wonderful thing to say. I didn’t understand you then.

We met again the next day, purely by accident. I was making sure that the snowfall wasn’t too heavy in the town you had lived in. You were sitting at that old cafe, holding a cup of coffee. You waved at me through the window with a sweet smile on your face. I found that my feet weren’t controlled by me, and I walked into the cafe and toward you. At the time, I was frustrated with myself. Talking with humans is something that the others do. Not me.

When I sat down next to you, however, I forgot about that. You just smiled so sweetly, Evelyn, that I couldn’t help myself but relax in your presence.

You asked me where I lived. I told you that that was a little… complicated. How could I describe the different plane of space where I resided to you, a human? You didn’t seem to want to ask me anymore. Did you think that I was homeless, Evelyn? I laugh now at your sweetness.

You asked me for my last name. I have to admit that I panicked a little. Lying, I told you that my last name was Barrett. In reality, I do not have a last name. Barrett is the last name of the characters my siblings constructed.

Evelyn, why did you smile so warmly on that cold January day?

‘What a lovely last name,’ you had said.

For some reason, every day until winter’s end, we met again and again. Perhaps the few first days were by accident. I started to seek out your figure wherever I went, though. At the time, I didn’t know why I decided to do such a thing. Now I know. It was for a very bittersweet reason that I never would have understood before.

When winter neared its end, I told you that I had to move away. Evelyn, the expression that you made that bitter day broke my metaphorical heart. I told you hurriedly that I would move back next winter. To this, you sighed and took me into your arms.

I never understood fully what hugs were before we met. It was just a strange humane gesture, no? But the moment you embraced me, I felt myself melt into your arms. I found myself hugging you back.

You whispered to me that you’d wait for me. I told you that I would try to hurry. In reality, I cannot.

Oh, how I wished that we were normal humans. Of course, you were a human. Normal wasn’t a word to describe you, however. You were artsy and quiet. You enjoyed music that I’d never heard before. Your dark brown hair was always pulled back in a messy bun. Evelyn, I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.

In this world, I don’t understand how such a human existed. You attracted my gaze and convinced me to spend time with you. I just can’t understand you. What was it about you, Evelyn?

When winter ended, I met with my youngest sibling. They used the name Spring. They always took on the form of a teenage human. They’d have short brown hair that was clipped back with a colourful and large butterfly clip. Despite their sunny appearance, Spring had grey eyes. I suppose that’s my fault because their season came after me.

Spring had asked me why I looked happier than usual. ‘Your eyes have a cute sparkle in them,’ they had told me.

I told them that I didn’t know what they meant. ‘I was perfectly normal,’ I had told them.

I don’t think they believed me.

We said our goodbyes and we went off to other places on earth. The meetings, I admit, are shorter than I wished them to be. I never saw Summer. Autumn and Spring were always in a hurry to start their seasons. Evelyn, I suppose this was what a dysfunctional family was supposed to be in human terms? You explained that to me once when I was looking over one of your stories. I forget now what you had written about. It’s been a long time.

The winters without you were dismal. Humans are far less enjoyable than you insisted them to be. You told me to be open. I was open with you, wasn’t I?

When I met with you again, you jumped into my arms. I found myself laughing and twirling you around. Seeing you just brought me so much joy, Evelyn.

You had your hair in a different style. It was still tied, but it was slung on your shoulder. It made you look classically pretty. At least, that’s what you said your friends thought. I can tell you now, in confidence, that you did indeed look classically pretty.

You also wore glasses now. They were a nice light blue colour. It only occurs to me now that they were practically the same colour as my eyes. You always were the sweetest person, Evelyn.

We had hot chocolate at that cafe we used to frequent. You told me all the things you learnt at the college that was in this town. I never was one for learning, but the glimmer in your eyes told me to listen to you. I found myself staring at you with a fond smile on my face.

You suddenly stopped and looked at me. Evelyn, why did you shrink into your scarf? Did you find it embarrassing to be talking so jovially to me? The memory brings me a small sweet feeling in my metaphorical heart.

I placed one of my hands on yours and tried for a comforting smile. I never comforted someone before. Maybe you knew and that was why you laughed. To this day, I do not know why you laughed.

You asked me what I was doing for the holidays. I told you that I wasn’t religious, so I wouldn't do anything. To this, you frowned playfully.

‘Having fun isn’t only for religious people, Winter!’ you told me, punching me on the shoulder.

‘Well, what are you doing then?’ I asked you as I drank my hot chocolate.

Evelyn, I could hardly listen to your ecstatic voice when a blinding smile lit up your face. I just stared at you as you rambled on and on about something about trees or fairy lights. That moment, a tiny seed of something beautiful took root in my heart. That moment, something in me just sparked.

Evelyn, you were so beautiful when you talked about things you loved. And since you loved a lot of things, I found myself staring at you with wonder every day of those long ago winters. You were kind, and that was enough to spark something in my heart. You made my heart, Evelyn.

That Christmas, I spent time with you in front of a fire with your family. When you asked me to come, a cute blush appeared on your cheeks. Were you embarrassed or something? I agreed immediately. Though your family was a little rambunctious, I enjoyed myself.

When we moved from the kitchen to the living room however, you started to blush even more. At the time, I didn’t know what got you so embarrassed. You just rushed away from me. I almost felt dejected under that doorway.

I walked after you and asked what was wrong. You meekly pointed to the top of the doorway. I noticed a small bit of mistletoe attached to it.

Stupidly, I asked you if you were allergic to it. Evelyn, I’m so sorry that I wasn’t as smart in human matters as I am today. You must have been so flustered under that mistletoe with me. When you explained it to me the next day, I burst out laughing. I didn’t see the importance of kissing one another. The French do it as a sign of greeting. I asked you if you just didn’t want to kiss me. You were so flustered, Evelyn, I thought you were going to explode.

That winter was as wonderful, or even more than the last time we were together.

Years and years went past, and the same thing happened. I spent three annoying winters away from you, and a spectacular one with you. You started to grow older and older. It was problematic when you told me every single time that I didn’t seem to age a day. Evelyn, did you ever catch on? Did you ever let your imagination wander? That doesn’t matter now, does it?

Evelyn, my Evelyn… you were so beautiful. You were so everlastingly beautiful every time I came to see you. It broke my heart to end our meetings. I did it for you, Evelyn. If I were to keep staying by your side, you never would have met that man August. You never would have truly fallen in love. I apologise for steering you away from your given path. I couldn’t help myself.

And now, as I write this, I try not to do that thing that you humans do when they are experiencing too many emotions. What was it called again? Ah yes, crying. My Evelyn, you cried so easily. When that television show that you loved ended, you cried to me about it. I comforted you terribly that day, I’m sorry.

Evelyn, you always experienced so many more emotions than I can ever imagine. Did you know that I watched your wedding day from afar? Your beautiful brown eyes were filled with happy tears. It broke me when you said those two words to that man. I suppose it was lucky for me that you had a wedding in December. I could watch you have the happiest day of your short life. It wasn’t happy for me at all, Evelyn. But of course, that's a little obvious.

I also watched as you raised that adorable little girl of yours, Wendy. I have to admit that I simply adore her cute brown hair. She has your eyes, Evelyn. Did you notice? I once helped up Wendy when she fell down in the snow. Her hands were so small and warm. It brought those pitiful tears to my eyes when she looked up at me to thank me. She has your smile, too, Evelyn.

Years passed and you still had the same smile. It never faded or wandered. And if I chose to see you, you were still under the cloudy sky, staring up at it with that strange look in your eyes. You looked as if you were experiencing some… sad emotion. I suppose that’s my fault. I’m sorry, Evelyn.

Evelyn… did it hurt when you got hit by that car? It slid on a patch of ice and hit you. That was my fault as well. I’m so, so sorry.

Evelyn, did you recognise me when I knelt over your body and held your hand? I told you that it was all going to be alright. I knew that I was lying, and it seemed as if you knew, too. You just smiled so dreamily up at me. Did you recognise me? I suppose I can’t ask that now and expect an answer.

Death’s figure appeared over you that bitter day. Did their appearance frighten you, Evelyn? They wore that cloak of darkness and held a scythe in their hands. You could hardly see Death’s skeletal face.

Evelyn, why did you say those words as Death kissed your forehead?

‘My guardian angel,’ you had said. Did… did you think of me as your guardian angel? No such thing exists, Evelyn, but I feel inclined to say that I was, indeed, your guardian angel. I apologise for not saving you. I… I am sorry that I did not save you.

I want to ask you a question. You don’t need to answer, Evelyn.

Did you hate me back then? Did you despise me? When I left you, did you curse my name? These questions are pointless. I never will get answers to them. Perhaps an acquaintance of mine could provide the answers. No. I’d prefer to hear it from you. Even if you answer with hate in your lovely brown eyes.

Winter is the saddest season. Everyone knows that. It signifies death and cold. Evelyn, you didn’t think that, did you? You always thought that Winter was spectacular. You… you were spectacular.

You brought colour to the winters that I had grown to hate. Everything you did, everything you said, it all blinded me with your joy. I suppose that I am a little blind now. You, your love, your words, they all changed me. You taught me how to love, Evelyn. No one can change that.

Another winter will come again.

Millions of cold and dreary days are still ahead.

But you, my Evelyn, are still with me.

In my heart.